Monday, February 16, 2010

I"m practically passed out in math. Woke myself up long enough to take one note in my binder, and I saw the diary. So. Caleb found out. He isn't here today, which makes me very nervous. What if he left? Somehow, some way, I don't want him to leave now. I think I might be in love again. Ugh, love. Such a corny word. Perhaps destiny, fate, tragedy. They fit. But not love. Love sounds like some small-town hick who got hitched on a road trip to Vegas. "I'm in love with him." Yeah, and totally wasted. But somehow, Caleb is my fate. I wish it weren't but I don't get to choose who I meet walking down the street casually. Come on, no one can do that. Darn one sec here's the teacher. Just asking what the hypotenuse of the triangle on the board was. It was 6.2 centimeters. So, back to Caleb. He was never popular in San Fransisco, but here, the girls are all over the mysterious new kid from the city. Two football jocks have been dumped for Caleb, rumor has it. Although the ones that were dumped were both cheating, so the reason could be more like they were sleeping with other girls than I love Caleb, if you know what I mean. Bells ringing, got to go.
Here I am. In Spanish now. Back in SF, Caleb and I never were dating. But it was obvious that we thought of each other as more than friends. I honestly thought I was in love with him. But when I told my friends they said I was stupid. I was too young. I believed them, so that was that. I stopped thinking of Caleb that way, but he didn't stop thinking of me that way. I could tell. I was young, but I could still tell. I wasn't blind. Brody was a threat. I hope Caleb hadn't completely eliminated him. The way Caleb looks at me now, I think that the love is fading for him. Or at least he's going through the same thing I did. A period where he isn't sure that he really loves me. Loved me. It would be so much easier if Caleb hadn't come, but I think that I would have gone in the next year anyway. I always had that voice in the back of my head that said Caleb. Caleb. Caleb. Every time I kissed a guy, or asked a guy out, the voice would be there. Pretty soon, the number of "Caleb"s would be too high. I would have to go back. I think he had to come back to me. It wasn't a choice, It was definite.